About 2 — The Young Women: Who is T and R?

*Note: Until Asere Comes to the Table, I will continue to update this site as a resource and learning tool.

Click here to jump right to the truth behind the breakup.

T: Is a young woman (in her 20’s) I actually met in AZ. When I found out she was from BK and returning soon, we exchanged numbers and I thought it would be nice for her to meet a young man I know.

When I got back to NY, she actually reached out to me for some advice about travel and organizing. Some time went by before I heard back from her, but I later learned that she was good friends with a good friend of Asere’s.

Fast forward a few months, she mentioned on her FB page that she needed a place and I mentioned it to Asere. At the time, he had decided that he did not want anymore people in the house. Then one day he sent me a message that read, “What’s up with your friend who needed the room?”

Note: Prior to her, there had been three other people who wanted the room.

LOOKING BACK, there were too many red flags, but I didn’t have a reason not to trust him, but I now see where there were some warning signs.

R — Is a young woman (in her early 20’s) who is a participant in the program he runs for his professional job. He called me one day and said there was a situation and that one of his participants needed a place to stay for a few days. I ran out, bought towels, toothbrushes and setup my air-mattress for her.

With the exception of something she said when I first met her, the first few days of her being there was fine. It wasn’t until around the time he wanted her to interview to stay long-term in the house and during the interview process was there ever a problem.

For Asere to imply that my issues with him and the women he brought into the house was because I was insecure, is false. His inappropriate behavior and interaction with these women (and others, now that I look back) as a housing coordinator, program director, Baba, etc. is what I had/have a problem with.

Without going into their personal business, that is all I will say on this site.

From my understanding, this is what he does. It’s as if he uses the house as a magnet. Perhaps this is why he fights so hard to keep those who actually have their names on the mortgage from taking it back.

14. Triangulation.

Bringing in the opinion, perspective or suggested threat of another person into the dynamic of an interaction is known as “triangulation.” Often used to validate the toxic person’s abuse while invalidating the victim’s reactions to abuse, triangulation can also work to manufacture love triangles that leave you feeling unhinged and insecure.

Malignant narcissists love to triangulate their significant other with strangers, co-workers, ex-partners, friends and even family members in order to evoke jealousy and uncertainty in you. They also use the opinions of others to validate their point of view.

This is a diversionary tactic meant to pull your attention away from their abusive behavior and into a false image of them as a desirable, sought after person. It also leaves you questioning yourself – if Mary did agree with Tom, doesn’t that mean that you must be wrong? The truth is, narcissists love to “report back” falsehoods about others say about you, when in fact, they are the ones smearing you.

To resist triangulation tactics, realize that whoever the narcissist is triangulating with is also being triangulated by your relationship with the narcissist as well. Everyone is essentially being played by this one person. Reverse “triangulate” the narcissist by gaining support from a third party that is not under the narcissist’s influence – and also by seeking your own validation