Ladies — Maintain Your Power. Recognize the Red Flags. Obtain and Maintain Emotional and Financial Independence. Avoid dependency and emotional manipulation at all cost.
ALL OF THIS!
This is pretty much the reason for this site — some of what I’ve been trying to say.
Poly is the new black.
Ethical Slut is the new, whatever…
Cool. I get it, BUT NOT when:
- you’re a spiritual leader;
- working as an “authority” figure with emotionally/economically/etc vulnerable younger women;
- you call yourself a protector of land (aka housing coordinator of Crystal House); and the likes.
*Issues arise in situations like this not just with young women, but young men and anyone in a vulnerable circumstances — who are dependent on another.
How does this relate to you Asere Bello?
Again. All fine UNDER DIFFERENT CIRCUMSTANCES AND WITH CLEAR/MATURE COMMUNICATION AND UNDERSTANDING BETWEEN ALL PARTIES INVOLVED. However, (without going into too much detail here), you and I both know, this is not how things were going down in Crystal House and with those around you.
Be yourself — Do you — but don’t abuse your power and influence. Intentional and unintentional exploitation, grooming, and lack of accountability is toxic and dangerous.
Again — I was fortunate. Because of the support and family and friends, I had a safe place to land physically and emotionally (still with some loss).
It’s happening in “movement” and social justice circles all over the country — being hidden as free love and #polyamory.
— dian INQUE (@dianINQUE_NY) March 31, 2017
- [a very important read] “This is what abuse and exploitation can feel like, especially in situations where power differentials are operative, but not acknowledged.” Via https://rabbitdarling.wordpress.com/2015/02/23/abuse-exploitation-and-narrative-control-in-polyamory/
- ‘”predatory charismatic male poly leader” vibe” …”This is an important point to make, because this is exactly how abusers work. If abusers crossed over the line right away, they wouldn’t be able to abuse anyone, because we’d recognize them for what they were. Instead, they test boundaries, push a little here, a little there, seeing where you’ll give and where you’ll hold. And you don’t realize what’s happening until they’re already way too far over the line.” https://medium.com/@everickert/poking-the-dog-on-abuseinpoly-and-the-italian-translation-of-more-than-two-8c8371c1a3f0